


Six Banners

by Maizzy



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Let's all go to an amusement park, M/M, Multi, The crackiest of fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 13:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3730555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maizzy/pseuds/Maizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inquisition Inc. takes a company trip to Six Banners - Thedas' biggest and best amusement park. Things generally devolve from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Banners

**Author's Note:**

> I went to Six Flags: Magic Mountain last weekend (the one in California) and it apparently left a big impression on me.

“Darling, if you think I’m going to touch any part of that park, you’ve thought wrong.” Vivienne said, turning her nose up at the finger-print smudged turnstile before her. 

“Ma’am, I don’t think you understand,” said Iron Bull. He walked to the front of the group and grandly spread his arms open, turning back to face them like One Who Had Seen the Light. “There are _roller coasters_ in there. _Roller coasters,_ ma’am!”

Vivienne sniffed.

“It would not matter if the ghost of Alexander McQueen himself was waiting to personally style me on the other side of those gates. I will not be touching something that has come into contact with the body fluids of a horde of children and Maker knows what else.” 

Her nose wrinkled as a family of six, generously lubed up with sunscreen, pushed past the turnstiles leaving greasy handprints in their wake. 

“If you have need of me, I shall be spending the day at that charming little Starbucks over there,” she said, waving across the six lane highway. “If not, I shall see you at the cars once you all have had your fill.”

She turned on her heel and headed back out into the parking lot. 

“Anyone surprised by that? No? Thought not,” said Varric, whipping out his phone and rapidly typing up a tweet with this latest development.

Cassandra made a low, disgusted rumble in the back of her throat and asked, “Are you really going to be typing into that thing the whole day?”

Varric tapped in a few more words before answering, “Absolutely, Seeker. Someone needs to document this shitshow. For posterity’s sake, at the very least”  He glanced down at his phone again.  “And hey, already got my first retweet. Also Hawke says to watch out for the corndogs. She caught a nasty case of food poisoning the last time she was here.”

Cassandra groaned again. 

“Please wait a second before we go in,” said Josephine, walking up in front of Iron Bull. She pulled out a stack of papers from her bag and began handing them out. “I’ve printed off maps from the website for each of you and marked down where we’ll be meeting. It’s color-coded and the key for the times is written on the back.” She sighed, “it really would have been so much easier to find each other if you had just let me get us matching T-shirts.”

Everyone’s face slid into the same mixture of horror and disgust that had eventually worn her down on the point in the first place.

“I thought they were an excellent idea, Lady Josephine,” Blackwall piped up from the back. He turned magnificently red under his beard as everyone swiveled around to stare at him with the same look of disgust, but Josephine smiled.

“Thank you, Blackwall. Well, everyone, do please remember that we’re meeting at the Cafe Val Royeaux at one for lunch. It’s the only place that served anything remotely un-deep fried and I had to make a reservation.”

Holy shit. This was it. They were about to go inside. She had heard of Six Banners: Magic Sundermount, but had never gone before. Eres had always moved around too much and had too little money available to freely spend it on a ticket. Inquisition Inc. did not have that problem, despite Josephine’s mumbles about having to liquidate some of their assets to be able to afford thirteen tickets. Well, twelve, now that Vivienne had backed out. 

She gripped Solas’ hand and he looked down at her in amusement. 

Bull let out a roar of excitement and charged the turnstile, dragging Dorian along with him. The mustachioed man shot Eres a long-suffering eye roll as he was more or less stuffed through the turnstyle.

The rest of the group moved in as well.

She had to stop for a moment immediately inside the gate. A dazzling array of brightly-colored shops assaulted her vision and music blasted loud enough to make her ribcage vibrate. And oh, the people! So many people. Shouts of excitement, bellowed arguments, calls of a particularly gruff balloon salesman... they were everywhere. Loudest of all was a child in the corner screaming his head off at a tired-looking mother saying he “Wanted a Dragon-Ear!!” The mother tried to patiently explain that there was no way she would be paying two whole gold pieces for a piece of fried dough, but it looked to be doing little to no good. 

Cole stopped short when he saw the spectacle and Eres pulled Solas to a halt to watch.

“Tired, hot, mouth screams for what the purse forbids. Too hot. Wants the one thing forbidden in the land where he’s allowed so many others-“

“Excuse me?” The mother asked, looking startled. 

The boy wailed louder. 

“He’s very tired. You should not let him eat the dragon’s ear. It would be very bad,” Cole explained ominously.

“Riiight,” the lady said, picking up her flailing son and backing away. 

“Cole!” Eres called, “Leave the lady alone. I’m sure there’s plenty of motion-sick people in the park to help.”

Blackwall caught up to Eres and said, “I can watch out for him today if you’re looking to enjoy your first time here.” He looked pointedly at Eres and Solas’ clasped hands. “I remember my first time, spent the whole evening afterwards picking flies out of the little beard I had then. Roller coasters and facial hair are not a good mixture.”

“Thanks, Blackwall.”

He grunted in acknowledgement of her thanks and ambled off to go extricate Cole from the screaming child that had somehow stolen his hat and was running around him in circles. 

Solas’ hand squeezed hers.  “Where would you like to go first, Vhenan?”

She flipped open the map Josephine had handed her and quickly scanned around the little drawings of the park, ignoring Josephine's highlighted "Suggested routes". 

“I really don’t know. Want to just walk around and see what looks good?”

“An excellent plan,” Solas said, “In any case, I am more interested in watching the people rather than riding the rides.”

Eres pulled a face.  “There are people everywhere. Roller coasters are only here.”

“True, but watch them for yourself. The best and worst come out in people when they are hell bent on enjoying themselves. And besides, I would still enjoy riding the rides” he said, tugging her close, looking suddenly sly, “if only to hear you scream.” 

She whapped him on the chest before grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him down into a kiss. This whole “vhenan” business was new, but she was starting to thoroughly enjoy it. 

They didn't get very far into the park before they found Dorian and Bull once again, standing in front of the single most intimidating hunk of roaring metal Eres had ever seen - and she'd once drunkenly let Varric shoot an apple off of her head with that crossbow of his. Britney... or something. Beatrice...

“Dorian! The Fade is the biggest ride in the park. It’s too late for you to convince me that you don’t enjoy big rides, so come on. ” Bull said, one step away from getting on his knees and begging.

“The line is over an _hour_ , you lummox. I am not standing sandwiched between riffraff for hours with only you and your blighted tongue for company.”

“Hey now, you love my blighted tongue. Don’t go insulting its company.”

“Would you wait if you had some bonus company?” Eres asked, drawing to a halt by the two verbal combatants and grinning knowingly at Bull. Dorian whirled around in surprise. 

“I-I… suppose I don’t have much choice now, do I?” He said, visibly deflating under his imminent defeat. “Very well, let us go and get this awkward double date over with so that I can move onto pretending that it never happened.”

Bull whooped with enthusiasm, rushing forwards to scoop Eres up and twirl her around. He set her down and said as she regained her balance, “Boss. This is the most intense coaster in the park… and you’re picking it for your first roller coaster ever… I’m so proud.” He pretended to flick a tear from his eye before grabbing Dorian’s arm and leading the way into the queue. 

Quietly, so that Bull wouldn’t hear, Solas asked, “Are you truly sure this is how you wish to be introduced to thrill rides? We could start on something smaller.”

“Ah, I can’t let the big guy down now. You saw him,” Eres snorted. “Besides, go big or go home, right?”

Solas hummed noncommittally. 

The line was indeed over an hour. They spent the time chatting about various work things, interspersed with Dorian pointing out particularly egregious offenses of fashion committed by their fellow park patrons. 

“A fanny pack? Really? Are we suddenly in the year 1992? Has the world of fashion devolved so thoroughly that it has now come full circle to allowing these sorts of things ironically?” and “If I see one more person wearing a souvenir Helm of Drasca, I swear I shall rip it off the head of the wearer and vomit into it.”

“I rather like them,” Solas said, eyeing the shiny fake-metal hats, complete with foam point on top and nose guard.

Eres and Dorian both looked at him, horrified. 

“If you continue to date him after he puts on one of those, we are no longer friends, Eres. I mean it. I am disowning you without remorse or a backwards glance.”

Bull wasn’t paying attention to any of this. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, craning his neck to see how much longer the line stretched before it would be their turn to board the ride, even though he towered over everyone already there in front of them.

“We have to sit in the front row. There’s no point if we don’t get the front row. Or maybe the back. More whiplash over the hills. No, no, front. Nothing but us and the open air. There’s only two seats in a row, so we had better split up so that you can sit in front as well. Your first time! I can’t believe it.”

“We don’t have to split up, Bull, I’d be fine if we just sat behind you two,” Eres said, amused. 

Bull looked at her askance. 

“It’s your _First Time_. You’re sitting in the front.”

They finally made it up to the ride, after waiting in the extra line for the front. Eres let Iron Bull and Dorian go first, Dorian looking like he was being marched to the gallows. Bull leapt into the seat and tried to pull down the over-the-shoulder restraints, only to find that they would not lock over his broad shoulders. A timid-looking park employee bustled over to him.

“Serah, I’m afraid that you cannot ride the ride without the restraints.”

Bull flashed a winning smile up at him, “I have the restraints. See? I’m holding them down. Do you know what that is? That’s teamwork. Between me and the restraints. I hold them, they hold me. Problem solved.”

“Serah, I really must ask you to exit the rid-“

The polite tactic failing, Bull bared his teeth at the man and let out a low growl. The employee could not stumble away fast enough.

“Uhh, yes, I see, Serah. No problem. Enjoy your ride.”

“Thanks,” Bull said, flashing that winning smile again, and resuming his previous state of agitated excitement. 

As the train pulled out of the platform, Dorian closed his eyes and scrabbled to grab Bull’s hand. Privately, Eres thought it was adorable, though Dorian would likely set her hair on fire for saying so to his face. She watched their train disappear from sight as it went up the clacking hill, but could hear Bull bellowing his approval when they inevitably flew down the other side. 

Butterflies erupted in Eres’ stomach. She and Solas were next.

She went first, Solas holding her hand to help her step into the awkward, molded plastic seats. As the shoulder bars lowered, the butterflies turned savage, bashing around in her belly. She reached over and gripped Solas’ hand, echoing Dorian and Bull. She couldn’t really turn her head much in the awkward seats, but she could see Solas out of the corner of her eye. He looked more excited than she had ever seen him before. 

“Ready?” He asked.

“Sort of,” she replied, feeling that perhaps it _had_ been a mistake to pick this coaster first.

The train pulled out of the station, slowly climbing the hill. There was only open sky in front of her and to her right, the ground steadily falling away. People shrunk to the size of chess pieces and the trees started to look like undersized broccoli florets. 

_Fenedhis. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fenedhis. Fuck._

Solas laughed and moved his hand to her thigh, giving it a small squeeze. Shit. She apparently had said those last thoughts out loud. She didn’t have time to worry about it, though, as the coaster crested the top of the hill and then plunged them straight down.

Eres screamed. Screamed at the top of her lungs, but fought the urge to close her eyes. The ride zipped up, twisting, before flying down another hill. Eres ran out of breath to scream and realized all of a sudden that she _loved_ this. It was like she was flying. She threw her hands up in the air, as she had seen multiple pictures of people doing and adored the freeing inevitability. If they were going to crash, there was nothing she could do about it, so why not lean into the sheer thrill? They twisted and turned, even going upside down in a loop, giving Eres a moment where her butt fully left the seat. 

It was over far too quickly. She leaned her head back on the hard plastic, breathing heavily. Somewhere along the line she had started laughing. She must’ve sounded like a crazy person for the majority of the ride. 

She stepped out on shaky legs, feeling like one of those stupid baby halla, wobbling around and honking their surprise whenever they stumbled. She and Solas walked down the exit path, stopping to admire their on-ride picture. She had a huge, goofy grin, while Solas had a small smile and was looking sideways at her. Yup, she had definitely sounded like a crazy person for most of the ride. Solas pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of it. Shrugging when Eres looked at him quizzically. 

“I would like to remember this.”

They found Dorian and Bull sitting on a bench. Dorian was slumped forward, head in his hands mumbling, “I can’t believe I let you drag me onto that monstrosity. Can’t believe it. My life flashed before my eyes the moment we took off.”

“Gonna be alright, Dorian?” Eres asked. 

Dorian cracked his fingers apart and looked up at her through the gap.

“No. Never again.”

“Ohhh, come on. That was amazing! Best ride in the world,” Iron Bull said, clapping a hand on Dorian’s shoulder and giving him a little shake. “Boss, you loved it, right?”

Eres flashed him a big smile. 

“Sure did, Bull. Good call on the front row.”

“The front row is _always_ best. Want to go find another Coaster? I’ve been eyeing that Exalted Plains ride.”

“Didn’t a whole group of people _die_ on that ride when this park was bought out from the elves?” Dorian asked, sitting up straight, looking at Bull in disbelief.

“Well, yeah, but they’ve fixed it up. Supposed to be the most intense wooden roller coaster in Thedas.”

That did not sound particularly promising to Eres. 

“I’ll take a pass on that one, Bull. I think we might go try to find Blackwall and Cole. See if Blackwall wants a chance to ride anything instead of just playing babysitter.”

“Nice talking to you, Boss.”

“See you later, Bull, Dorian.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I don't even know. I'm home sick this weekend, and I was supposed to be writing more of Wander Silent last night, but then this happened at like 3 am.


End file.
